The Differences Between A Man and A Woman
Dr. Jane C. Pan
Feb. 9, 2007
Through my counseling experiences, I have heard many couples said they just
do not understand their spouses. Many times married couples see from their own
point of views in interactions and are at complete loss in understanding their
spouses' needs or needs of the opposite sex.
All men and women have needs based on the simple fact that we interact each
day from the bases of our needs. However, the priorities of needs are very
different between the two sexes. Some studies and researches have shown that
men and women think and act differently according to what levels of priorities
their needs are. Dr. Willard Harley, Jr., a clinical psychologist, in his book
His Needs, Her Needs identified 10 basic needs of men and women. What
he discovered was that men and women prioritized needs differently. He said
that in order to protect your marriage from affairs and divorce, you must
understand and meet your spouses' needs. The understanding and the practice of
a sound marriage will deepen your love and desire for each other.
Here are the 10 needs Dr. Harley identified. I would suggest that before
you read on, do a self- analytical test and see which five are the most
important to you (number each from the most important to the least) and which
five are the most important to your spouse?
Admiration
Affection
An Attractive Spouse
Honesty and Openness
Family commitment
Conversation
Domestic Support
Financial Support
Recreational Companionship
Sexual Fulfillment
Compare your data with what Dr. Harley and his team of experts found out in
general, that the needs of women and men are vastly different in the order of
priorities. Here are the data:
Her Needs: 1. Affection
2. Conversation
3. Honesty and Openness
4. Financial Support
` 5. Family Commitment
His Needs: 1. Sexual Fulfillment
2. Recreational Companionship
3. An Attractive Spouse
4. Domestic Support
5. Admiration
The order of priorities may change slightly with age and number of years in
marital bliss. However, I have found that happy couples are the ones who make
a habit of evaluating and assessing the needs of their spouses and make proper
adjustments. After all, marriage is a life-long partnership and both sides
need to contribute and invest to make everyday living exciting and
pleasurable.
If you look at the differences in the priorities, no wonder many wives have
complained that all their husbands think about are sexual fulfillment, while
they wanted their husbands to care and be affectionate to them (not
necessarily with sex.) There are many dysfunctional marriages where the wives
deny sexual fulfillment to their husband for punishment or revenge. I have
seen husbands thus turn to outside sources (affairs or pornographies) to
satisfy their sexual fulfillment.
February 14th is America's Valentine Day. It is a perfect way to
start treating your marriage seriously. It takes effort to make your marriage
a happy one. "It takes two to tangle" and I suggest you and your spouse treat
each other with respect as if you two just met. Husbands, surprise your wives
with flowers, candies, or gifts from your hearts. Wives, appreciate whatever
your husbands bring to you for gifts to complement you. Be kind and friendly
to each other. Take time off from your children or loved ones, and go out on a
real date.
I know some of my points in the articles sound perfect and hard to follow.
You know, to have opinions and to act on the suggestions I made are two
different paths. Take a big step and make your spouse happy. Find out what
your spouse's needs are. Give a little and you will gain a lot!
Inquiries and comments to: Panedu@bellsouth.net
