Why Do Women Nag?

Friends, take the following quiz and see if you can understand why women nag?

1. Women nag because they love to nag.

2. Women nag because they are unhappy and need to vent their feelings.

3. Women nag because they are just plain crazy.

4. Women nag because they show they really care.

The correct answer is b and d.

In our many years of counseling couples, we found that one of the chief reasons of conflicts is nagging. The husbands complain that their wives nag too much and the wives that their husbands never listen.

Many men truly believe that their wives nag because they simply love the company of misery, or that their wives are just plain crazy. These are to be disputed and reasoned.

Research on the differences between men and women's brains tell us that women are built for multiple tracking while men are mono tracking. For example, Jean and Bill wanted to invite some of their friends over for a meal and fellowship. So Jean made several phone calls and arranged the invitations. Bill wanted to know whether Sam and Sue will come. So he asked, "Will Sam and Sue come?" Jean replied, "You know Sam has a heavy workload at work, and Sue will need to find a babysitter and finish writing her paper that day, and ......" Bill then said impatiently, "Are they coming or not?" All he wanted to know is a yes or no, while Sue wanted to explain and get to the answer after the explanation.

Women do use their verbal and body language for communication. They tend to vent their feelings through words and will be very unhappy when their needs are not met. Therefore, women will nag until their specific needs are met. Men will be wise to find out what causes the unhappy feelings and try at least to support that specific need. At times, we recommend, for no reason at all, to make their wives happy by doing special deeds such as bringing home some flowers or surprises their spouses by taking them out on dates.

Women, if you tend to nag, try to improve your ways of communication. Change your style of communication by making sure your husbands understand you and know you care. What is affective for me is that I would make sure my husband hears what I am saying. Don't repeat or prolong your words with breathless sentences. If I wanted my husband to listen to me and make sure he understands my request, I ask him to repeat what I just said. This way, I don't nag and he remembers what I have just asked. A famous proverb said it well, "living with a nagging wife is just like listening to your faucet drip continuously." So wives, don't nag, but communicate clearly. Husbands, try to understand your wives, spend quality time with them and surprise them in building more positive relationships.

Your Supporter,

Dr. Jane