Pleasant Words Promote Healthy Persons

By Dr. Jane C. Pan

We women tend to do well with our verbal communication, while men have tough time using appropriate words, especially during verbal confrontations. One such couple was arguing vehemently and the husband was apparently loosing the battle. So he got very angry, stood up, pointed at his wife, and said: "I am the boss. You are nothing!" "I am the boss, and you are nothing!" He repeated this three times until his wife disrupted him and answered calmly: "Sure, you are the boss of nothing!"

Many times when I counsel a couple, the wife has lots of things to say, she can recall small incidents that happened long ago, while the husband can't recall or give me any illustration of the problem he's confronting. He came to counseling because his wife just cannot get through to him. He is tired of her naggings therefore consented on coming to get peace. It was during counseling that he learned what her needs were. Half of the time, husbands who come to counseling are shocked to learn their wives have felt neglected or abandoned just through their lack of words or encouragements.

Maybe it is in our Oriental culture that we do not say pleasant things or words of encouragement to our love ones. Parents usually use negative reinforcement to get their kids to behave or do well in school. Often I have heard parents complement other people's children to make competitive comparison. Many parents push their children up the "educational or corporate" ladder by harsh words or punishments rather than encouraging words or rewards.

We are only humans. We make mistakes and should humbly admit we make mistakes. Instead of punishments, we need encouragements. If we do not get the support from our love ones, how else can we stand straight and tall after we have just fallen? Husbands and wives need to support each other. Try this for your remedy to all your fights:

"A wise man's heart guides his mouth, and his lips promote instructions.

Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the

bones." Proverbs 16:23-24

Do you want to have a happy marriage and family? Make an effort to tell each other pleasant and sweet words each day. You will find these contagious, just like the addiction to sweet and lovely things. If you try this, you will find healing and health to your whole bodies as well!