My Husband, My Partner, My Best Friend

Gentleness in a Marriage (8)

How many of you ladies want to be beautiful? I'm sure most of you have this desire or else the cosmetic and clothing market will go out of business. We tried to look good because we want to feel good not only for our own sakes but for those whom we are attracted to. There is an American idiom that says "beauty is only skin deep." Meaning what we recognize as beauty is only the quality of its outer appearance. If you really want to be beautiful, you need not only look attractive on the outside, but also have hidden positive qualities or beauty on the inside.

Having a gentle spirit can help you look beautiful on the inside. The meaning of gentleness is to have a pleasant, grateful, agreeable, calm, and peaceful attitude.

One famous passage puts it this way: "Don't be concerned about the outwardly beauty that depends on fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should be known for the beauty that comes within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit..." We ladies should try to look good, but don't be concerned, meaning not to totally rely on our outer beauty. We should examine our inside. Do we possess the gentle spirit? Are we loud and mean to our husbands?

One time I was walking in a city street in China. I saw and heard a well-dressed and well-adorned woman talking loudly and angrily on the telephone from a side-walk store. She was scolding her husband on the telephone. All the pedestrians just walked passed her as if nothing is going on. I was concerned. What kind of a marriage this woman has? What kind of a woman is she? Is she so mesmerized by her own need to control and to carry out her own wishes that she is not aware of how ugly she looked? All her attractive appearance on the outside canceled her inner mean-spiritness and provocative attitudes. The opposite of the gentle attitude is rough, harsh, and vehement or ferocious attitude.

My husband is my best friend and I am his. We want to maintain our good relationship with mutual love and respect. He encourages me to be gentle and calm whenever I am pressured by different stresses. When my voice gets too loud, he'll let me know so that I can get my voice decibel lowered. Through the many years we've been married, we help each other to attain the inner beauty that we so much desired to have.

Many people asked me why I look so young. (I'm really into my late fifties) My husband brags about how I have not changed much and still look beautiful in his eyes. I believe I can share this secret with you. I work on being beautiful on the inside as well as on the outside. On the outside, I am careful as to how I look. I dress for my love. On the inside, I am developing the gentle spirit. Early morning I read the Scripture, meditate, and pray. I always start the day refreshed and renewed in my spirit. Whenever I speak, I try to hear myself, and lower the decibel of my voice. If I hear myself speaking pleasantly, then I also appeal positive to others.

Dearest readers, try to do a daily inventory on you. When you speak do you carry weight? Are you harsh and mean, or are you quiet and gentle? If you are the one who is constantly nagging and speaking loudly, no wonder your spouse is not listening to you. Try a different tactic. "Speak softly but carry a big stick." Seek wisdom and understanding in speaking. Don't be a chatter box, but rather speak when necessary with gentleness and love. Next time, your husband can't help it but listen to you attentively!

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