My Husband, My Partner, My Best Friend
Part 6
Goodness in a Marriage
When you say someone is good, you mean that person is righteous,
noble, moral, honest, and full of integrity. The opposite of a good person is
a bad or evil person.
In a marriage, it is hard to be good to your spouse. A couple who is
long married is like mirrors to each other. You daily see each other's
imperfections. What is worse is that one tends to have higher expectations of
the spouse than any other person in the world. Like a seesaw, the higher the
expectations, the lower the appreciations. When one is married for a long
time, one forgets that the goodness in a marriage is a vital part in
keeping the marriage vibrant and alive!
You go to the bank and make deposits all the time. When the time comes for
the need of money to spend, you go to the bank and make withdrawals. But you
cannot withdraw more than what you put in, or else your account will bounce.
In a marriage, you also have a bank account. It is called an "emotional
savings' account." You have one account for the husband and one account for
the wife. Whenever the husband and wife said or did some "good thing" they
deposit the positive savings into each other's account. A good and solid
marriage has very high "positive emotions savings" in each other's account.
This can go the negative way too. If the husband and wife did or say some bad
or evil things, each can withdraw from this "emotional savings account." If in
your daily interaction, you are mean or bad to each other, pretty soon you'll
bounce your account. You find at this stage, you cannot go on living with each
other, let alone, seeing each other every day without any more good feelings
toward each other.
Let me illustrate this with our own marital experience:
My husband and I have been married for more than three decades now. We have
learned the power of positive words and doing good things for each other.
Along with our common faith in God, we have worked on our marriage by
depositing love and goodwill into each other's account. We would say things
like these to each other: "I love you more than....I appreciate you very
much...you mean so much to me...I pray that you will be blessed....Have a great and
successful day...You are so creative...You are kind...I'm so glad I married
you...Thank You..." We not only speak blessings to each other, we also do good
deeds to each other whenever we can. We both are often invited to places as
speakers for workshops. Whenever we go on the road together, we support each
other. When one is thirsty, the other offers a drink. When one is tired, the
other takes over the burden. When one is down, the other tells a funny joke
and heals all with laughter. We are a team in everything we do. We consult
each other and encourage each other whenever we can. Now my husband is sick
with cancer, I have become the primary caregiver. I also wear many hats. I'm
not only a pastor, an ESL teacher, but I am also a grandmother to two
grandsons and one granddaughter. Some of my friends asked me, "Jane, where did
you get so much positive energy and finding joy in taking good care of your
husband?" You know what is my answer? I have enough positive emotional savings
in my account! I can afford to withdraw my emotional savings whenever I need
it.
We should aim for harmony in our marriage. This should be the goal for all
marriages.
Why wouldn't you try to say or do good things to your spouse? Many times
your pride gets into the way. The good investment you make today, the positive
emotional savings you deposit, will surely reap tremendous reward in the
future.
Be a wise investor in your marriage!
Contact by email:
panedu@bellsouth.net
