My Husband, My Partner, My Best Friend
Part I
Love in a Marriage
Dr. Jane C. Pan
At this very moment when I'm telling you my life story, we are waiting for
our doctor's report on my husband's health condition. You see, my husband, my
partner, my friend is dying of liver cancer. The doctor only gave him half a
year to 2 years time to live.
Recalling how we met so many years ago, I was just a young college student
of 20 in Raleigh. He was dashing and very articulate in his language of hot
pursuit. He was very convincing as a gentleman ready to whisk me off to the
sunset at any moment. He was humorous and charming and somehow I found no
fault in him. One time he took me fishing (which he loved very much,) he was
so patient and hooked each worm for me (those wriggly and yucky slimy thing,)
he opened the door for me each time I got off or entered a door, he brought me
to the nicest (expensive) restaurants, and always whispered into my ears how
lovely I looked and how much he loved me.
He was so romantic and knew how to treat me well. He called me his
"Scarlet" from the movie, "Gone With the Wind."
After we were married, things started to change, for the worse. We
constantly argued and fought over little things. After our daughter was born,
we disagreed in so many area, we thought our marriage was doomed, and it was
failing. We didn't know what to do or who to turn to. Someone once said,
"Every road has an end, and every mountain has its peak." We thought our lives
together were at its end, and our love lives have peaked.
When our lives were at their worst, God intervened. He sent us a kind and
wise Christian counselor. She mentored both of us and brought us out into an
environment where we could truly understand ourselves and each other. You see,
we were both wrong about love. We loved each other, but we loved with
self-centered love. We didn't know how to give each other support and were
critical of each other constantly. The more we thought we loved each other,
the more expectations we had for each other. As we matured, we learned to have
high expectations of ourselves and more giving of the other.
Today, we still are not perfect, and we tell each other so. But we do know
one thing; we truly can forgive each other. We give ourselves (faults and all)
wholeheartedly to each other.
I don't know how much time I have left with my husband. But I do know one
thing as the marriage vow has taught me: "I promise before God and you as my
witnesses that I will love him, comfort him, honor and keep him in sickness
and in health; and, forsaking all others, keep me only to him so long as we
both will live."
Love is not all about me. Love is giving all my best to the one I cherish
the most, my husband, my partner and my best friend in life!
Dr. Jane C. Pan
Panedu@bellsouth.net
